| new SN for LIVEJOURNAL |
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| 09:27pm 05/04/2005 |
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mood:  pacified music: silence is golden
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Hey ya'll! yeah been a while eh? You can all kick my ass later if you like. I've got a new live journal on here. MY SN is aidenspyro please rease my entries there. In the meantime this one will still be active but I highly doubt that I will be writing much in it. The other one I've been using quite recently. So yeah...Pop on in over there and give me a hoot! Please read my recent entries and leave a few detentions here and there. I'd like to know what ya'll think of my work. LOVE YA GUYS!!!!!!!!! Kymmi-chan ^_^ |
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| I need a hug. |
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| 02:45pm 16/04/2004 |
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mood:  depressed music: LeAnn Rimes-Blue
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Hey ya'll. I've been bauling my ass off today. I got to talk to Rick last night. He was so cold. I'd say I miss you he says ok. I say I love you he says ok. Then he basically says nothing at all. I know the war outside our doors is a bother to him, I just think I'm making it worse. He wrote me an e-mail and it sounds like he's not even sure if I'm worth coming home to. I'm not sure as to what to think on that. Other than the fact I may be losing him, I'm not sure. He knows I love him and I'll do anything for him. I basically felt like a piece of shit after I got done talking with him and after I read his e-mail. He says he needs time. He can have all the time he needs but I'll still be here. I hope he knows that.
I just got done writing him an e-mail. I told him basically that no matter what decision he makes I'm still gonna be here. I also said that maybe I'm not worth coming home to. Well...not in those words particularly. But I also said that I think it would be best if we just started from the beginning. I don't mean the beginning as like when we first broke up but I mean at the VERY beginning like when we first met. If I can't have him, then I at least want his friendship. I don't think that's too much to ask for. Granted, yeah I may have been a real butthead but at least I told him that. They say you end up hurting the ones you love most well I really fucked things up then. It was killing me just to write the e-mail I sent to him. This is what it said:
Hey. I'm sitting in the computer lab working on a project but I got distracted so me's gonna write to you. I can't tell you that I'm sorry for being an idiot enough, though I know I can't turn back time. I wish I could, I wouldn't have made the stupid decisions that I did. I cried all night last night and didn't sleep at all. Needless to say I've been up for a while. I thought alot about what your e-mail said and about what I wrote in return. I do want to try again. Very much so and I'll do anything to make that happen. You said before that we all make mistakes and I made the biggest by hurting you. I never meant to, I'm sure you know that, but it seems I keep doing it somehow. I wish there was something I can say or do to make things the way they were before you left in the first place. I'd give anything to go back to those days. I miss not having you and Christopher around. The both of you really helped to keep me together and now I'm falling apart at the seams again. maybe I'm not trying hard enough, I don't know. But I would like another chance if at all possible. I want to start from the beginning. Not from when you left but from the very beginning. I want us to start out as friends and work our way from there. I think it might be the best thing. I don't want to lose you completely and if your friendship is all I can have right now than I'll take it. I want you in my life. I don't care what part you play, just I be in my life somehow. I need that. I've stuck by you this far and haven't left. Even when you were confused before and didn't know what you wanted, I was still there. I always have been. That's what friends do. They stick by each other no matter the circumstances; and I'll still be here, even after you come home. I'm still going to be here. I don't plan on going anywhere anytime soon. I'll stick by you no matter what because you are my friend. You always have been. You were my friend before anything else. I love you very much. That you know. But do you know how much? Some say too much, I say I love you more than that, but part of me is wondering if I show you enough. I doubt myself on that very question everyday. Is it possible to love someone too much? Maybe. Who knows? All I DO know is that I'll stick by you no matter what. If you want to see someone else, yeah, it'll hurt alot but I'm not going to stop you.Who knows, maybe you'll find someone who really deserves you. Personally, I don't think anyone really deserves you. You are too good. And don't you dare think otherwise. Just promise me one thing, be my friend again. I ask for nothing more than that. Last night you seemed so cold, it wasn't like you at all, and I know I was a big part of it. The war outside those doors doesn't help any either. I wish I could tell you all that is on my mind but I haven't the strength nor the will power to tell you. Maybe because even I don't know myself. I think that's a problem too. I don't know who I am anymore. Since you left I've been lost and confused but I realized something last night while I was laying in bed. They say one ends up hurting the ones they love most once in a while but not telling them hurts them more than staying silent. They don't know what's on your mind so that's what I'm trying to do. I'll be honest, I haven't exactly done my best while you've been away. I thought I did at first but now I realize that I should have tried harder. You have to fight for the things you want in life. I'm willing to go tooth and nail. I know what I want in life and he's reading this message right now. I'll fight until my very last breath floats away from me, even then, I'll keep fighting. If I didn't have you, I KNOW I wouldn't be where I am today. I realized that last night. If it weren't for Judy picking me up on my birthday a year ago, I'd probably be six feet under. I'm glad she did. I have wonderful memories with you and Christopher. They are more precious to me than anything. I have a poem that I wrote for you the first time we split up. I've been meaning to give it to you but I keep forgetting. Yes...the horrible memory. I'll e-mail it to you in a while. In the meantime, I have to get back to my research. I love you dearly. I hope you know that and you are forever in my heart. Come what may, I will love you until my dying day.
YOURS ALWAYS,
Kym.
P.S. Aiden misses you. He wants me to send hugs, kisses and kicks your way. I'm not sure about the kicks but I'm definitely sending the hugs and kisses.
I hope you're doing ok. Keep me informed on everything ok? I want to know how you're doing. I want to make sure you'll come home in one piece. If something happens I'll take a bazooka over there and start blowing off turbans myself. No one hurts you. They better think twice...they don't want a pregnant lady on their ass. hehe I have an appointment at DSS on Monday so at least you know that I AM trying to sort my life out. I'll get it right eventually. It may take me some time. Who knows. Maybe being apart for a while is what we need. I guess we'll see what happens eh? Until later, I love you. Take care of yourself.
I think that basically somes up most of what I'm feeling right now. What do you guys think? I hope I still have a chance. I love him more than anything. I don't want to lose him completely. You guys think I did the right thing? I hope so. |
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| Emotional Uproar |
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| 11:19am 10/04/2004 |
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mood:  angry music: Music? Who the fuck cares?!
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Hey ya'll. I know it seems that the only time I write is when I'm depressed or soemthing has happened. You know what...it's true. The small things that go on are so much easier to talk about in person. Right now I'm at a standstill. I'm not sure what to do so this is a call out for any advise whatsoever that anyone in this fucked up world cared to offer. I called Jason, Rick's brother yes=terday and he made me feel worse than gum stuck to the bottom of a sneaker. I tried to tell him about all the shit Pat has done and all he could do was belittle me and tell me that Pat has a right to kick me out of the apartment. Personally, about that, I really don't care anymore. If I'm kicked out, then I'm kicked out. I'll find another place. Anybody have room for a desk that they can hold on for me until I get a new place? It's really the only thing that IS mine at the apartment. Anyways, back to Jason. I called him up to talk to him about what was going on. He basically told me that I was a dumb piece of shit that can't take care of herself and is just using his brother for his money like everyone else has. ANYONE who knows me knows that that is not true. Because of a stupid joking comment made by Cindy he thinks I'm just out for Rick's life insurance policy. Then he tells me that I'm not even trying to make an effort at helping R$ick out while he's gone. He's stopped the checks that Rick had previously made out for me so I would be all right while he's away and taken care of. Rick is gonna be pissed about that. And knowing Jason, he's gonna twist everything around and make me look like the bad guy. He's saying I'm taking all of Rick's money and spending it on useless shit, which is bullshit, and now there's not even enough in his account to get Christopher a birthday present and pay-off everything for Rick. Rick TOLD me to cash them so I did. What more does he want?! I'm being made to feel like shit. Then word got back to him (we can all guess where) that the baby might not be Rick's. That's for me and Rick to know. It's no one else's business. He was getting all bent out of shape about the birth certificate and that I'm just doing all of this shit to put myself in front of Christopher. I WOULD NEVER DO SUCH A THING! That kid means a hell of a lot to me and I'll stand up to the person who says that and say otherwise. I love that little one like he's my own fucking son! How dare they say anything of that nature! then Melissa comes onto the phone and tells me that Rick wrote to her and told her that he "doesn't trust me as far as ha can throw me," to quote her quoting him. Well, if he can't trus me than what the hell am I still doing here?! I told him everything, left nothing out, and have NO secrets from him! Everyone except Terri has been trying to split us up since the beginning of this relationship a year ago. I mean I wish they'd all get a fucking clue! I'm NOT going anywhere unless HE tells me to. i love that man to death. He, Christopher and Aiden, they are my life. I downright refuse to put anyone or anything in front of them. If no one else can see this then they can all go FUCK themselves! I'm sick and tired of people butting into my life and ruining everything that I've been able to accomplish. ON MY OWN mind you. Well, if that's how things are gonna be then I'm just gonna go and if they want me, let them find me! |
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| Hey All! |
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| 11:03am 25/03/2004 |
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mood:  curious music: To quote Greg Proops, "Bring on the CHICKS!"
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Hey peoples! Yeah I know..."Why'd you wait so long to update?!" Sorry. I've been rather distracted lately as most of you know but excuses...excuses...right? Other than that, I really have no other pitifuul reply to the hounding other than "The baby made me do it!" No. He didn't. Me's kidding. And he's KICKING! Argh! I feel like my belly is being used for a soccer field lately. Oh well. He's gotta learn early I guess. Oh, me's taking another baby poll:
What type of kid will he become after a few years?
Athlete
Geek
Who the FUCK cares?
A Surly Potions Master
Or a Know it All Gryffindor?
Just kidding with the last two. hehe Jimmy and I were having a conversation about it last night. Honestly though. With as many *Family* members as he's gonna have *yes that's all you peoples* who thinks how he'll turn out to be. If course this really is an inane poll but I'm really curious. Personally, If have my way...He's going to be an intellectual soccer star! LOL Just kidding. Well gotta hit the books! Ya'll write back and give me your personal opinions on how tyou think this kid will turn out in a few years. CHOW!
Kawaii no Megami |
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| No it's NOT a mutant...Cindy says Yes it is. |
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| 12:16pm 15/03/2004 |
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mood:  ecstatic music: Music? How about movie-The Mummy Returns
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Hey peeps. I know you're all in suspence so here is the final tally. Cindy 1; mom NOTHING! So yeah, it's a BOY! He's so vain already...kept turning towards the camera to show off his best *ehem* features. And Cindy also has a new point...Aidan's Wang, inwhich she calls the "totem poll of the universe" He was doing very much a salute to the camera.
So yeah, there you have it. Sorry, Jamar, it's not a mutant. And NO Morphine either. I don't care...You Is Not Drugging my kid. LOL As much as I know you want to, I'm sure I'm not the only one who'd say the baby is too young for those kinda drugs...gotta give him a couple of years. |
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| 05:49am 15/03/2004 |
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mood:  anxious music: Clay Aiken----Who cares what song, he's hot...LOL
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Well peepa today's the day! Me's so anxious to find out. Me's taking baby polls. Who says "Boy" who says "girl". Read, post and then me give you all the exciting news later on tonight. Stay tuned. And now back to your regularly scheduled program.....
Yeah, so Pat asked me to go to dinner with him last night. I mean, how dull can one get? Geeze Louise! Maybe I should have said yes and then pulled a waitress aside and paid them to put arsenic in whatever it would have been that he was drinking. I just can't believe he had the balls to even thik about asking me to dinner. Is it me or does anyone else see this as a ploy to get into my pants and steal me away from Rick? Old fat bastard really needs to get a life because it ain't gonna happen. |
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| This is for all of those who know the shit that pat has pulled and has been there to witness |
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| 09:20am 13/03/2004 |
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mood: hopeful music: Faye Wong- Eyes on You...thinking about me hunny
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Hey all. Me has a fovor to ask. For all who have been around when Pat has pulled his shit, if it's not too much to ask, would ya'll write out afidavits stating what he's done. I figure better to be safe than sorry. Not to mention I have an ace up my sleeve i he tries anything else. It would really be appreciated.
On to good news...I got to hear from Rick yesterday, he's now officially in Iraq. I mis him so much. Does that make me a whimp because I can't handle everything so well on my own because he's gone? I guess me just wasn't cut out to be a warrior, eh? Me's pathetic. Oh, well. Anyways, me's gonna go get dressed so chat at ya'll later. Leave me a detention and I'll get back at ya. BTW...my detentions, I'm adding up...the more detentions with my surly potions master the better. hehe |
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| Complete and utter disrespect..that's all it is |
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| 09:06pm 11/03/2004 |
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mood: bitchy music: Break Stuff- Limp Bizket
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Hey everyone! Sorry it's been a while. I've been trying to devise a plan to get rid of my landlord once and for all..but to no avail. Anyone have any brilliant ideas as to how to get rid of a fat, tubby, leprochaun with no ass? I'm willing to take suggestions here. Anybody? Anybody at all? Me's been having a rough time since Rick has been gone and my landlord, Pat, thinks it's HIS duty to protect me from everyone and everything since my hunny is gone. Anyone else see a problem with this? Also, he's having a coniption fit that I've had too many people up here at one time. Hello! It's NOT in the lease that I can only have two people up here at a time. Also, he's come up here and kicked my own guests out of my partment. Am I the only one who sees a problem with this logic? How come he treats me like a fucking invalid who can't potect herself from her own friends? Oh yeah that's right, he thinks I' fucking every single one of them. Yep that must be it. I've already given him my point of view but that obviously hasn't deterred him. He came up today to harass me about Jamar spending the night. I'm sorry but if I want my friends to spend the night, then they can spend the night, I really don't care anymore. I wish Pat would get hi head out of his ass. I can't even begin to start with the things he's done to me already since Rick has been gone. Well okay..maybe I'll give ya'll a small sample:
1-Went behind my back and had a meeting with Rick about 1-Who can spend the night 2-What time my friends HAVE to leave 3-No more than two peope up here at a time
2- Puts his hand on my thigh and asks me if I trust him
3- Continuously thows my guests out of my apartment just because he doesn't like them
4- Continuously eyes my body...If I have the smallest piece of skin showing (t-shirt,shorts,etc.) he'l sit there and stare. If I bend over to pick something up he'll stare at my ass.
5- tried hugging me after I've pushed him away
6- Stares at the bodies of all my girlfriends that come up
7- Sits in my living room in my recliner like a lump and does nothing but smoke up a storm and bitch about how life is absolutely horrible to him.
8- Makes the comment "Well if it's there, I'm gonna look."
9- He noticed my teddy through my shirt and says, "Hey, is that a teddie? Can I see it? I won't tell Rick. C'mon show me or are you just scared." I asked him to stop on several occasions and finally told him to "Shut the fuck up" before I tell Rick exactly what he'd just said. I figure I only had a right to.
You know what he did this past week? He asked me about a month or so ago if "I" thought he would look better with short hair. I told him maybe, I wouldn't know...have to see it first. The idiot went and cut his hair! All for my personal preference. I honestly think he's jealous that I'm with Rick. Ya'll should hear the comments he makes to me all the time. I've gone so far as to ask him (politely) to stop, yell at him to stop, and finally slam my door in his face. Doesn't work. I guess it's just my luck. If it weren't for bad luck, I wouldn't have any. Oh, well. Enough with my ranting. Me's going to bed. Leave me a detention and I'll getback to ya! Ja ne. Kawaii nao megami |
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| Extremely depressed and....Ouch! Stop kicking me you little...Ouch! |
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| 08:00pm 16/02/2004 |
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Hey everybody. Sorry it's been so long. No time, place or compy to post. *bows down and whines pitifully begging for forgiveness* Lots happening on this end for sure.
My hunny went away today. I hope he comes back safely. I miss him already and he's going to be gone for a year or more. IT'S NOT FAIR!!!!! I want him in my arms! I miss the warm, the affection, the sex...oh, wait...sorry scratch that! I probably shouldn't have said that...no need to offend anybody..lol
The baby has been kicking the crap out of me lately. I honestly believe that he thinks my belly is free term for soccer practice. Oh, well. Maybe I'll get lucky and he'll fall asleep soon.
Pedro and Sunny are ushering me to dinner so I chat later. Ja ne.
Kymmi-Chan |
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| I need a hug |
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| 08:38pm 05/10/2003 |
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mood: depressed music: Evanescence
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Sorry , it's been so long a lot has been going on. I guess the main thing is that my fiance was sent off to FT Drum today. After his training there and in Louisiana, he'll be sent off to Iraq for the miniumum of 2 years. I'm so afraid that I'm going to lose him. I guess I just have to keep my chin up. He says that he might be able to come home for Christmas before he is sent off to Louisiana. I hope so. I'd like to see him one last time. I miss him so much already and he hasn't even been gone a day. I'm hoping that work will help me to keep my mind off of it, I doubt it will help much though. Anyways, I must return to they who are called Van and Jim. We're having pizza and watching Jet Li. He's so fine. LOL Well, chat at ya all later. Goddess bless everyone.
Kymberly |
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| 03:41pm 26/08/2003 |
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mood: excited music: Gackt
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Well, here we are. Another day. Too bad I can't say another dollar. Oh, well. cest la vie.. I think that's how it's spelled. Oh, well. Ya'll can slap me later. LOL Oh wait, I might like that. On second thought, not a good idea. I am enjoying visiting really awsome friends right now at their college. I am so jealous. I want to get into college so bad but everytime I try to something happens. It is so not fair. I'm happy for them though. I hope they do real well this year as I know they will. I am so proud of my Da-chan! She's done so well. I know she will be awsome this year. If she reads this...
:: Waves white flags enthusiastically :: " Go Da-chan! Go Da-chan! GO GO GO! "
hehe....yes...my idiotic schpeal for today...hehe
I can't wait until later on tonight. We're all going to go see Pirates of the Carribean! Mmm....Orlando Bloom and Jonny Depp in the same movie. You can't get much better than that. YUMMY! Then again, Gary Oldman and David Thewlis in the new upcoming Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. Damn! Tough...choices choices. Looks patheically to readers....Do I have to choose? WAHHHAAHAHHA!!!! No no no...no chose. Me to pitiful.
Ah well.. shout at me later!
Perre |
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| this is dachan |
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| 03:14pm 14/04/2003 |
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mood:  busy
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please do not adjust your screen. Kym will be taking residence and I'm just here to clean things up for her |
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